The Day The Rubber Ducky Got Sliced In Half
by Mystrana
Summary: Well, I was clearing out my files, and I came upon this story... it's at least two years old, but it made me laugh, so maybe you will too.


Mystrana: "Ok, ok! It's time for your next big adventure!"  
  
Cloud:(happily) "Yay!"  
  
Mystrana: "Is everyone here?"  
  
Cloud: "Yes."  
  
Tifa: "Of course."  
  
Aeris: "Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
Barret: "Here."  
  
Red: "Present."  
  
Vincent: (nods his presence)  
  
Yuffie: "When this is over, will I have new materia?"  
  
Cid: "We're up so early!" (Does some of his famous cursing)  
  
Mystrana: "Ok everyone seems here - wait! Where's Sephiroth?"  
  
Cloud: "Don't know."  
  
Tifa: "Don't care."  
  
Aeris: "He's not here? GOOD!"  
  
Barret: "Why do we have to wait for him?"  
  
Red: "I haven't seen Sephiroth."  
  
Vincent: "No clue."  
  
Yuffie: "I don't want him here! He won't give me the black materia."  
  
Cid: "Who care's were the %#$% Sephiroth is?"  
  
Mystrana: "Well, during all of your answers, I managed to locate him. He is taking his bath. Shh. Listen!"  
  
Sephiroth: (Singing off key and playing with a little plastic duck and Masamune Blade) "Rubber Ducky, you're the one . . . . . . You make bath time lots of fun!"  
  
Aeris: "Oh, I just have to get a picture of this!"  
  
Tifa: "Isn't that CUTE?"  
  
Cloud: (Angry that Tifa thinks this is 'cute') "What a jerk."  
  
(Aeris takes a picture. The camera flash causes Sephiroth to look up. Everyone ducks out of sight. Suddenly there is a splash as Sephiroth gets out of his bath and gets dressed. Then, all of the sudden, . . )  
  
Sephiroth: "NOOOOO! ARGH!"  
  
Cloud: (running in, Cloud sees Sephiroth standing over the remains of his rubber duck, which has been sliced in half) (plays dumb) "What happened Sephiroth?"  
  
Sephiroth: (trying to hide tears) "Nothing! Go away!"  
  
Cloud: "Aww, is little Sephy crying over his little ducky friend?"  
  
Sephiroth: "Fine. If you must know, when I got my Masamune blade I accidentally sliced this toy duck in half."  
  
Tifa: (Who just came in) "Sephiroth? You take baths with a TOY DUCK?"  
  
Sephiroth: (Mumble, mumble)  
  
Aeris: (snapping picture after picture of the duck and Sephiroth crying over it.) "Yes! Once in a lifetime pictures!"  
  
Sephiroth: "Poor little, sniff, Henry John Smith the 24th."  
  
Cloud: "You name your rubber toys?"  
  
Sephiroth: "Doesn't everybody?"  
  
Aeris: (Holding up a tape recorder) "Yes! I even managed to get Sephiroth saying that!" (Listens to it again...and again...and again)  
  
Tifa: "Aeris, you're being mean!"  
  
Aeris: "What? How can you possibly be mean to him?"  
  
Tifa: " No, you're being mean to me! Let me take some pictures!"  
  
(Aeris gets out another camera.)  
  
Sephiroth: "We'll have to bury him."  
  
Yuffie: (Now the entire crew of FF7 is in the room. Tight fit.) "Where?"  
  
Sephiroth: "Next to all of the other ducks, of course!"  
  
Cid: (rolls his eyes) "Let's get this over with!"  
  
Sephiroth: "Hold it! First we need to get into proper clothing. Black, of course!"  
  
(Everyone grumbles, but in 10 minutes everyone is back in black)  
  
Sephiroth: (eyes them critically) "It'll do. So lets go. Follow me. I have a small coffin in my room for poor little Henry John Smith the 24th."  
  
Tifa: "If you say he's the 24th, does that mean you've murdered 24 plastic ducks?"  
  
Sephiroth: (Mumble, mumble.)  
  
Aeris: (Laughing) "I can't believe Mr. Tough Guy Sephiroth has a little duck!"  
  
Tifa: "Yeah! Go to sleep with a teddy bear, Sephy?"  
  
Sephiroth: ". . . . ..... Maybe."  
  
(Out in a yard)  
  
Sephiroth: "He was a fine ducky, never giving a thought about himself! All he wanted was to keep me happy. And today, we are gathered in the Holy Matrimony -"  
  
Cloud: "Wrong speech!"  
  
Sephiroth: "Err, I mean, today we are gathered to say good-bye to a loved one, the one and only, Henry John Smith the 24th."  
  
(Sephiroth digs a hole and puts the little ducky in the coffin and into the ground. He's crying hard).  
  
(Back inside)  
  
Sephiroth: "Oh, my poor ducky!"  
  
Barret: "Enough about you're stupid duck!"  
  
Sephiroth:" I'll take that as a challenge. He pulls out his Masamune blade only to find . . . . . . . a rubber ducky!"  
  
Sephiroth: "A new rubber ducky! I shall name it Henry John Smith the 25th."  
  
Yuffie: "How'd that happen?"  
  
Cid: "Mystrana, do you have anything to do with this?"  
  
Mystrana: "Well, um, he looked so sad without his Ducky and . . . "  
  
Barret: "What, you're feeling sorry for this pile of crap?"  
  
Mystrana: "Not really, but the plot has to keep moving."  
  
Sephiroth: "What! How rude. I hate you, Mystrana!"  
  
(Sephiroth pulls out his sword, but in the process cuts off the rubber ducks head)  
  
Sephiroth: "What have I done?"  
  
Cloud: "here we go again!"  
  
Yuffie: "Come on; let's go steal his materia while he goes bury that one."  
  
(Everyone except Sephiroth leaves. Sephiroth is crying over the loss of his ducky) 


End file.
